PawletyUnlugged

Facts about Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty
Text Box:  Governor’s Mansion 1006 Summit Avenue Saint Paul, MN 55105 OBJECTIVE: Don’t wanna be a one termer! Want to utilize my skills to further undo the Minnesota Miracle, demonize the poor, pose with National Guard troops to look cool, while continuing to fool the Minnesota public by imposing more taxes I call “fees” -- all to get elected to another term as governor of Minnesota so that I can one day run for President. EXPERIENCE: GOVERNOR Created $1,000,000,000 in new state government “fees.” Oversaw 45% increase in public college tuition. Shifted the state’s tax burden onto property taxpayers (by $1,000,000,000) by gutting Local Government Aid, though I said I wouldn’t. Regularly bash local mayors and council officials as irresponsible for raising taxes. Cut 30,000 off MinnesotaCare, telling the working enrollees to go on welfare instead. Made national news and state history by shutting down state government. Followed up by sending a “menu” to legislators asking them to choose which stadium should be built first. Outsourced Minnesota jobs so that when a Minnesota angler wants a fishing license, they have to call someone in Tennessee. Let the State Driver & Vehicle Services to sell Minnesotans’ personal driver’s license information for fractions of a penny to private corporations. Quietly moved sexual predators into nursing homes. Proposed death penalty to divert public attention from the fact that my administration let out sexual predator Alfonso Rodriguez. Attempted to balance the state budget with the expansion of Las Vegas style gambling. CANDIDATE FOR GOVERNOR Obeyed direct orders from Dick Cheney and Karl Rove to exit the US Senate race and run for Governor. Ran an aggressive endorsement fight to be the most conservative candidate. Took pledge to Taxpayer’s League not to raise taxes. Said I regretted my vote to prohibit employers from firing someone due to their sexual orientation. Campaign Board fined me an unprecedented $600,000 (New State Record!) for illegally colluding with the Minnesota Republican Party to create and run political TV advertisements. Campaign investigated and fined three more times by the State Campaign Finance Board in 2005 and 2006 for accepting improper political contributions. Campaign Treasurer resigns after he was found to have engaged in mortgage finance fraud. Campaign hired as political director a young operative who came under scrutiny for his role in a national fundraising scandal when he was executive director of the National College Republican Committee. The Washington Post revealed that the organization duped the elderly into making contributions by misrepresenting the group’s identity. ACCESS ANYWHERE/ BAMCO Received personal income of $60,000 during my campaign by a company owned by a political contributor. Can’t recall what I did to earn it; won’t show my tax records. Refuse to provide any further information to the public regarding this matter. (Public should just take my word for it.) NEWTEL BOARD CHAIRMAN Sat on board overseeing telecom company New Access. New Access was charged with telemarketing fraud in 10 states that occurred while I was a director. Company eventually settled charges for $2 million. STATE LEGISLATOR Voted to cut higher education funding by $19.5 million. Voted against K-12 education funding. Said I would serve no more than three terms. I served five. I opposed stadiums. (I now support three.) ACCOMPLISHMENTS: Health care premiums skyrocket. Double digit increases in college tuition. First Minnesota State Government Shutdown. First governor to cut K-12 funding. #1 in paying the most campaign fines of any candidate. REFERENCES: Dick Cheney Karl Rove Ron Esau Elam Baer Complacent and lazy media. They love my press releases and photo ops. Would you hire this man?Text Box: After posting articles now for a number of months, I thought we should have a little levity.  Unfortunately for our State, this resume clearly shows some highly questionable credentials.